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Do you ever find yourself moving through life on autopilot, barely pausing to check in with how you are really doing? In a world obsessed with productivity and external success, it’s easy to lose touch with the person at the center of it all—you. What if the very key to feeling more fulfilled, grounded, and deeply connected with others lies in something as simple—and as powerful—as transforming your inner dialogue?
In episode 4 of Seeking the Overlap, I sat down with therapist and attachment coach Jazzmyn Proctor to explore the transformative power of self-connection, and how understanding the way we speak to ourselves can completely reshape our relationships and our lives.
Self-Connection: The Missing Link in Relationships
Let’s face it: in a world where productivity is celebrated and we’re constantly encouraged to look outward for validation, it’s easy to forget the importance of turning inward. How often do we actually pause to reflect on our relationship with ourselves? Jazzmyn and I agreed that while most of us focus on connecting with others, few take the time to understand what’s in our own circle. How can we expect to overlap with others in a meaningful way if we don’t know what’s in our own Venn diagram?
Jazzmyn highlighted a key truth—our internal dialogue shapes how we interact with the world. If we are constantly critical of ourselves, we project that same judgment onto others. The way we talk to ourselves matters because it creates the lens through which we view our relationships. Are we quick to criticize others for not meeting our expectations? Are we overly judgmental when someone falls short? Chances are, that’s a reflection of how we speak to ourselves.
The Internal Voice: Is It Even Yours?
One of the most profound takeaways from my conversation with Jazzmyn was the realization that much of our internal dialogue is not truly ours. As adults, our inner voices are heavily influenced by external factors—society, media, our relationships, and even the environments we grow up in. Jazzmyn emphasized the importance of dismantling this internal dialogue to distinguish what’s authentically ours from what’s been imposed upon us.
This process isn’t easy. It requires a willingness to pause, reflect, and challenge the narrative we’ve built about ourselves. As I shared with Jazzmyn, it wasn’t until I hit my mid-thirties that I began to question, “Is this thought even mine? Or is this programming?” It’s an unsettling process to untangle our true beliefs from the noise, but it’s also one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves.
Balancing Self-Reflection with Life’s Demands
Of course, it’s one thing to want to connect with yourself, but it’s another to make time for it amidst the demands of everyday life. Self-reflection can sometimes feel like an indulgence, or even selfish, especially when we’re juggling work, family, and other responsibilities. Jazzmyn validated this feeling, sharing her own struggles with “the fatigue of improvement.” Personal growth can be exhausting, but as Jazzmyn pointed out, we don’t have to tackle it all at once.
Start small. Instead of trying to overhaul every aspect of your life, focus on one area—whether it’s a new hobby, an interest you’ve been curious about, or simply allowing yourself to take a break. Jazzmyn shared how rediscovering the joy of movement through pickleball became a highlight of her week, reminding her that self-connection can be fun and fulfilling.
For many of us, finding time for self-reflection can feel impossible. But as Jazzmyn reminded us, it’s not about having the time—it’s about making the time. If we’re constantly rushing through life without checking in on ourselves, we’re missing the opportunity to reconnect with who we are today, rather than who we were five years ago.
Pruning Relationships for Personal Growth
As we deepen our connection with ourselves, it’s natural to begin questioning the relationships we maintain. Are the people we surround ourselves with aligned with the person we’ve become? Jazzmyn and I talked about the importance of evaluating friendships and the discomfort that comes with recognizing when some relationships have served their purpose. It’s not always easy to acknowledge, but pruning relationships that no longer serve us is a necessary step toward creating space for connections that nourish us.
Jazzmyn offered a beautiful perspective: every interaction we have is an energetic exchange. If we find ourselves leaving certain interactions feeling drained or frustrated, it might be time to reevaluate the role that relationship plays in our life. That doesn’t mean we have to cut people out completely; sometimes it’s simply about shifting the nature of the relationship to something that feels more aligned with who we are today.
Deepening Connection Through Community
Lastly, we explored the role of community in personal growth. Jazzmyn emphasized that while self-connection starts within, it’s through our relationships with others that we continue to grow. Surrounding ourselves with people who challenge and support us is key to nurturing our personal journey. The community we build around us should reflect the values, goals, and interests that are important to us right now—not who we were in the past.
Whether it’s taking yourself on a solo date, finding a new hobby, or engaging in a thoughtful conversation with a friend, there are so many ways to practice self-connection. The more intentional we are with our internal dialogue, the more authentic our relationships with others will become.
Your relationship with yourself is the foundation for all other connections in your life. When you understand and nurture your internal dialogue, you open the door to deeper, more fulfilling relationships—with both yourself and the people around you.
Until next time, happy connecting!
Baily Hancock is a Connection Strategist, Keynote Speaker, and Host of the “Seeking the Overlap” Podcast who teaches people how to build, nurture, and leverage relationships to navigate challenges, thrive during transitions, and achieve greater success with the support of their community. Head to OverlapCollective.com to learn more, or comment below and say hello!
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