Human beings love stories.
They help us make sense of complicated concepts, understand the world around us, and give us the illusion that we know what’s coming next based on what’s happened before.
They also act as the background narrative for our lives. The stories we tell ourselves—aka our beliefs—often feel less like speculation and more like indisputable facts.
What stories are you still telling yourself that you’re perhaps ready to place back on the shelf?
Here are some of mine:
That I’m terrible at making money.
That I should be more successful than I am right now, which means I’ll never be successful.
That I’m a disappointment to anyone who ever thought I’d do something big with my life.
I can pick apart each one of these stories with ease, yet they put on the same compelling performance night after night, convincing me they’re unquestionably true.
Why does the brain do this?
Why would our brains set booby traps in our pursuit of success and satisfaction instead of cheering us on?
It all comes back to fear, safety, and self-protection. If I convince myself I’ll never succeed or be financially abundant, I get to avoid the risk of trying and failing. My brain thinks it's sparing me future disappointment—but either way, the result is the same: no success, no money. At least if I try, there’s a chance I’ll succeed. And if I do, the outcome is far better than never having tried at all.
The moment you finally see the story for what it is
Becoming aware of the stories playing on loop in the background of your brain is a lifelong process. It always blows my mind that a belief can feel so true that you never think to question it—until one day you do, and then you can never unsee it.
All it takes is a moment of realization, clarity, and awareness to open up a Pandora’s box of possibilities that you never knew existed. If this story is potentially untrue, what other stories are attached to it that might warrant investigation as well?
There’s an unraveling of worldviews, a crumbling of once-sturdy confidence, a collapse of scaffolding that only moments before seemed like a permanent structure. It’s discombobulating, disruptive, and often comes with a wave of grief for what could have been. You’re given a new lens through which to view past events and handed a pile of potential new perspectives to adopt.
But—you still have a choice
You don’t have to take action, see things through a new lens, or adopt a new perspective. You can decide that you’re perfectly fine with the old story, thankyouverymuch, and you’d like to continue listening to it on loop for the foreseeable future. Who has the time to investigate the origins and impacts of their beliefs all the time, anyway?
Many people go through life becoming aware of their stories and immediately looking the other way. Out of sight, out of mind. But by doing so, they deny themselves the opportunity to expand, evolve, and emerge as a more authentic and true version of themselves. They go to the grave still in the pristine package they came in—no modifications or updates made.
Professional story-hunters
And then there are the people who may as well be professional story-hunters (hi, it’s me 👋). They’re always peeking under the hood, tinkering with the control panel, and seeking out the beliefs that inform the other beliefs—and the ones buried way under those. No belief is safe in their presence—no stone will be left unturned.
You’ll find these people:
Reading endless self-improvement books.
Listening to psychology and personal development podcasts.
Poring over their astrological or Human Design charts to discover answers about why they are the way they are.
Their never-ending pursuit of spiritual and emotional healing can become a full-time job, though, and can often keep them lingering in the liminal space between knowing and doing when they try to address too many beliefs at once.
The knowing/doing gap is the real trap
I find myself in this in-between quite a lot. As a very curious person, I become aware of new concepts and ways of seeing the world daily, which means I’m constantly investigating my beliefs and looking for stories to prune.
But do that too often and you’ll run out of steam pretty quickly. It’s hard to change one belief, let alone multiple at once, so what ends up happening is a whole lot of awareness, no implementation—and I’d argue this is the worst place to be.
Once you’ve identified an unconscious belief that’s been pulling strings in your psyche for years, it can feel extremely uncomfortable to remain where you are. It’s like a hermit crab who’s suddenly had a growth spurt and outgrew its shell, but hasn’t made moves to find a bigger shell to relocate to yet.
Despite this, the knowing/doing gap plagues a lot of people who genuinely want to feel, do, and be better all-around—and I feel for them (us), because it takes a lot of intentionality and time to begin removing old stories from your psyche.
Our neural pathways are dug deep with the telling and retelling of these stories, especially when they’ve been in rotation for much of your life. Convincing your efficient neurons to take a new route is a big undertaking, and they’re not interested in taking anything but the path of least resistance—aka the well-worn neural pathway.
The old stories are bubbling up—and I’m ready
Some of my old stories around success, money, and living up to my potential have been bubbling to the surface lately, and after years of catching them in my periphery and acting like I don’t see them, I finally feel ready to wrap up the investigation and close the book on them.
Reciting mantras and affirmations may seem like a new-age woo woo thing to do, but there’s something to it. The easiest way to extinguish the flame of an old story that just won’t die is to replace it with a new story—one you’ve carefully crafted to fit the narrative you want to subscribe to.
“I’ll never be successful and have an abundance of money” becomes:
“Success is subjective, and I’ve achieved many goals I’ve set out to achieve in my life. Money is only one metric of success, and I’ve always had more than I need. I am safe, I am loved, and I am enough right now.”
Will you believe it on day one? Unlikely. But over time and with enough intention and focus, you can rewrite any story.
So what about you?
What old stories and beliefs are you ready and willing to address in your life? What do you think would happen if you replaced them with a more current, aligned version?
Everything is made up anyway, so why not make up a narrative that better suits the life you want to have?
I believe this is what the Gen Z TikTok girlies call being “Delulu,” and frankly I’m here for it. If it means that I can feel more confident in my abilities to run a profitable business without second guessing myself, then let’s go.
Here’s to the stories that got us to where we are today—may they rest in peace (and GTFO.)
Until next time, have a great weekend and happy connecting!
Baily Hancock is a Connection Strategist, Keynote Speaker, and Host of the “Seeking the Overlap” Podcast. She helps ambitious professionals go from overachievers to Overlap-Seekers, finding the people and partnerships that make success sustainable and burnout a thing of the past. Learn more at OverlapCollective.com and connect with her on LinkedIn, Instagram, and Threads.
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